


The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)

by orphan_account



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, Idealistic, M/M, Makoto/Haru, Maybe OOC, Self-Indulgent, chatfic, chatfic? no this is a gorofic, i started this b4 i played royal so i might reference minor things but nothing important, shiho/ann, so much shuake here, spoilers for vanilla p5 only, the anngoro is strong in this one, yeah babey! back on my bullshit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23359153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Panther: It’s 1am u two GOD goro stop sendign me cake making videos. I get it she made a cool cake tower that is shaped like a starp5 chatfic. I am so cringe I apologise
Relationships: Akechi Goro & Takamaki Ann, Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 95
Kudos: 357





	1. lgbt's

**Author's Note:**

> To quote my best friend: "I read da chat fic and all the thieves just sound like your braincells yelling at eachother"
> 
> Yes I'm writing this to project and talk ab shuake and make references to stuff I like. I hope u enjoy!!! Writing this is like stress relief lmao

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

1:12AM

**Joker:** hello lgbt’s how are we this fine january morning. My boyfriend is boring someone talk to me

**Crow:** I strongly. Dislike you

**Joker:** </3

**Panther:** It’s 1am u two GOD goro stop sendign me cake making videos. I get it she made a cool cake tower that is shaped like a star

**Crow:** Morgana says go to sleep, Goro says don't criticise me. 

**Oracle:** AKECHIWATCHEW CAKE MAKING VIDEOS LMFAO

**Crow:** I thought you would already know considering you monitor my entire digital presence

**Oracle:** not anymore!!! I pwomise :( 

**Crow:** fucking finally 

**Panther:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Joker:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Oracle:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Oracle:** makoto voice LANGUAGE

**Crow:** I vividly remember screaming shit at all of you, multiple times might I add, approximately one month ago. Why is anyone surprised. Akira I am around you almost every second of the day

**Joker:** one day you will say the fuck word in front of an innocent child and that child will cry and you will feel guilty. You have brought this upon yourself

**Oracle:** why would the child cry

**Joker:** i am instilling fear in him

**Crow:** I’m practically shaking in fear right now. I’m doing the worm involuntarily.

**Panther:** HELP

**Oracle:** JSGFHJDHGFHDH

**Joker:** your privileges have been revoked. Give me your phone

**Crow:** good night I’m going to sleep

**Oracle:** yikes! ignored. passes you a microphone. how do you feel about this situation sir

**Joker:** horrible. I am so unbelievably hurt. goobye i cant do thisn shit anymore

**Panther:** goobye

**Oracle:** goobye

  
  


**Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

10:36AM

**Skull:** WHO IS PREPARED FOR

**Crow:** no

**Skull:** RYUJI SAKAMOTO’S GREAT MUSIC RECCOMENDATIONS

**Skull:**.

**Skull:** okay you know what akechi

**Panther:** idk man I’m not really keen on that song, beat drop’s kinda lame won’t lie

**Crow:** I’m gonna pretend like I am not offended by that. My beat drop was fantastic. Especially the part when I told you all my tragic anime villain backstory

**Oracle:** look buddy at least you didnt start a cult and manipulated them and abused them, traumatising them for the rest of their lives 💯💯💯

**Crow:** Was that in reference to something I feel like that went completely over my head

**Joker:** ah yes futaba’s many korean boyfriends

**Oracle:** teehee

**Skull:** MY RECOMMENDATION FOR TODAY. IS. Empire Ants by Gorillaz

**Joker:** brb

**Fox:** That song is fantastic! Thank you for sharing, Ryuji!

**Joker:** SLAPS

**Oracle:** I am never getting over how formally inari types its hilaruiosu

**Crow:** That beat drop is magical

**Skull:** you interrupt my announcement and still listen to my recommendation

**Joker:** I forced his ear and we proceeded to vibe extremely hard over curry

**Queen:** “Vibe” and reference to Goro Akechi in the same sentence.

**Crow:** I am fully capable of vibing. It is my favourite passtime

**Joker:** omg babe i thojguht I was ur fav passtime </3

**Skull:** u two are so gross

**Panther:** don’t listen to ryuji he's jealous

**Panther:** if i missed my chance to get sum goro dick i’d be jealous too

**Skull:** WHAT

**Crow:**

**Crow:** Thank you for the constructive criticism ann how do I get a restraining order

**Joker:** dont worry babe she cant touch u <3 ur mine rawr

**Joker:** he threatened to kick me in the gut. i promise im never saying rawr again

**Oracle:** Sojiro just burst through the front door describing your vibing and it sent me he sounded so distressed

**Queen:** Please recount what he said. Please.

**Oracle:** “i didnt knpw what was happening. They wrre jusyt standing there. swaying. Slowly. With their arms in the air. Like the things out the front of car dealerships? I believe i just witnessed a cult ritual”

**Panther:** IM INTEARS

**Fox:** The skydancers! I’ve always been quite fascinated by those.

**Queen:** That confirmed that was an unnecessary mental image, thanks Futaba.

**Skull:** BRO MY MUM USED TO ALWAYS POINT THEM OUT WHEN ID GO ON DRIVES WITH HER

**Crow:** The absolute highlight of my childhood

**Joker:** yikes

**Skull:** yikes

**Panther:** yikes

**Fox:** Same!

**Queen:** um

**Oracle:** big yikes

**Noir:** I thought they were cute? What’s wrong with them?

**Noir:** oh

**Noir:**

**Noir:** :(

**Queen:** Hi Haru!

**Noir:** Hi Mako-chan!!

**Panther:** MY FAVOURITE LESBIANS ARE HERE HELLO

**Crow:** hello mothers

**Noir:** Son!

**Skull:** HELP WHAT IS GOING ON

**Joker:** do u have a problem homophobe

**Ann Takamaki + Goro Akechi**

10:55AM

**Takamaki:** GOWOOOOOO

**Akechi:** Hi Ann

**Takamaki:** babbeeeee do u wanna hang out… we can get cwepesss……………

**Akechi:** mmmmnbgh

**Takamaki:** u big baby go outside. Have u LEFT the house since u moved in2 leblanc omg

**Akechi:**

**Akechi:** Okay where do you wanna meet

**Takamaki:** i will take my epic gamer w. meet me at the station underground mall!! we r going shoppinhg babey!!

**Akechi:** When?

**Takamaki:** like 2 or 3? Idk we can hang out n get dindins when its time

**Akechi:** Sounds good, I’ll see you then

**Takamaki:** :D

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

2:30PM

**Joker:** GORO LEFT LIKE AN HOUR AGO i'm suffering from withdrawals sum1 talk to me

**Skull:** hello king

**Joker:** HAPPINESS IS RESTORED hello ryuji!!! How are you bro

**Skull:** good!!! I just went on a run and it was really refreshing dude

**Oracle:** observation that you two seem like the type of bros that rate eachothers cocks

**Joker:** can confirm

**Skull:** yeah bro. 8/10 slight curve and a little hairy but all around good

**Crow:** um

**Oracle:** Goro what do u think. Out of 10

**Crow:** I regret coming into this conversation, goodbye and farewell

**Joker:** that means 10/10 he's a bit tsundere

**Oracle:** b-baka! I don't like you! Shoots you point blank in the forehead

**Joker:** precisely

**Queen:** Anyway

**Queen:** Reminder that school starts tomorrow.

**Skull:** no

**Joker:** omg bae gonna be sooo lonely without me </3

**Queen:** Akira you make me cringe

**Oracle:** LMFAO

**Joker:** wait I just remembered you guys are graduating!! This is just like the end of every second season of Love Live :(

**Joker:** before you ask. Futaba. Nuff said

**Noir:** Oh we are!! Last term of high school! 

**Queen:** Weird to think about.

**Skull:** Okay tbh are u gonna miss school?

**Queen:** I’ll probably be right into university, so no? Don’t think this means you get out of studying sessions.

**Skull:**

**Skull:** WHY!! 

**Queen:** Because you, too, will be a third year after we graduate.

**Noir:** If you keep coming to study sessions, you keep getting my cooking, Ryuji!

**Skull:** YES MAAM

**Queen:** sigh

**Makoto Niijima + Goro Akechi**

2:41PM

**Niijima:** Hey that reminds me

**Niijima:** Are you thinking of going back to school?

**Makoto Niijima + Goro Akechi**

7:13PM

**Akechi:** Maybe? I don’t really know how that’ll work. Can I really just go back?

**Niijima:** That’s true…

**Niijima:** You _could_ always do online schooling? 

**Akechi:** Guess so. I’ll give it some thought? I’m sure going back to school will be fine. It’s only a few months, after all

**Niijima:** Good point. Well, I have to go. Let us know what you decide?

**Akechi:** I will

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

10:30PM

**Crow:** I’m gonna go to school

**Crow:** Like. May as well

**Panther:** thats rlly good!! are you sure everything will be ok???

**Crow:** hhhng

**Crow:** I dunno but I feel fairly confident that Shido’s gang of freaks have fucked off permanently so! Also kinda just wanna live my life yknow

**Panther:** WE LUV THAT!! Happy 4 u babe

**Crow:** mwah

**Queen:** I will have to get my trusty brass knuckles out if anyone tries to hurt you.

**Oracle:** thats rly good gowo!! glad u made that decision :) also off topic but who is down to play some animal crossing with me

**Noir:** I can play for a little!

**Oracle:** YEAHHH BABY!!! I hav opened my gate maam come right over

**Oracle:** man its a shame u can only have 4 people in ur town at once. wanna have a big fat animal crossing party w u all

**Panther:** they’re due for a new one soon right? give it a year or two

**Oracle:** poopy

**Crow:** MORGANA IS YELLING AT US TO GO TO BED

**Crow:** IT’S QUARTER TO 11

**Crow:** I am a legal adult.

**Crow:** I cannot believe this shit

**Panther:** F

**Oracle:** F

**Queen:** F

**Noir:** F!

**Crow:** goodnight everyone enjoy your animal crossing

**Panther:** wait futaba I want in

**Queen:** Perhaps me too

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

12:02AM

**Oracle:** HARU DID YOU FALL ASLEEP… your character hasnt moved for like 5 mins

**Oracle:**

**Oracle:** yep she’s gone

**Panther:** LMFAO okay i’m going to bed too. gn futaba!!

**Oracle:** all alone futaba. where are friend

**Oracle:**

**Oracle:** gn :(


	2. 11:11 no one </3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bandori references. Mystic Messenger references. Soap emojis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone's bookmark comment was "i can feel the kinnie energy rolling off of this in waves. it’s amazing" 
> 
> you would be correct. fellow goro and ann kinnies wya
> 
> edit 12/6/20 i remembered like ages ago tht the bandori story was tsugu and moca not himari and moca so im changing it. i remember himari met chihaya not went to yongen

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

4:01PM

**Oracle:** okay yall who iscoming to see epic girls bands with me

 **Panther:** Who??

 **Oracle:** Poppin’Party … and… Afterglow pastel palette s ummm roselia morfonica raise a suilen hgggnng hello happy world

 **Panther:** WAIT IVE BEEN KINDA KEEN TO SEE POPPIN PARTY NGL.. ya ok will come

 **Oracle:** lets GOOOOO i hav always wanted 2 go to one of those concerts but .. yknow….. Social anxiety

 **Joker:** hol up… singer for afterglow kinda cute

 **Panther:** JHDUJEKRHFFED AKIRA!!!

 **Joker:** what can i say. bisexual excellence

 **Joker:** wait i think i saw a couple of the members of it walking around yongen jaya one time

**Oracle:**

**Oracle:** are u serious.

 **Joker:** ya. One of them had blonde hair one was a brunette

 **Joker:** brunette radiated haru vibes idk

 **Skull:** What are you guys talking about

 **Oracle:** girls

 **Skull:** nice

 **Queen:** How was everyone’s day back?

 **Joker:** boring

 **Panther:** boring

 **Skull:** Boring

 **Noir:** Good!

 **Oracle:** imagine going to school

 **Queen:** Love the enthusiasm guys

 **Skull:** Hol up almost forgot my daily recommendation!!!!

 **Skull:** Confidence by Ocean Alley

 **Panther:** ooo sumthing a bit different!!

 **Joker:** ryuji always comin in clutch with the vibes! thank you king

 **Skull:** Bro ur makin me blush…

 **Queen:** Do you two need a moment

 **Skull:** >:(

 **Panther:** guys omg

 **Panther:** [earrings.jpg]

 **Panther:** do i cop?

 **Noir:** Those are so cute! I think you should get them

 **Joker:** YES

 **Joker:** theyre adorable 

**Crow:** Hi

 **Crow:** Ann your fashion sense is great why do you even have to ask our opinions

 **Panther:** omg my fave is here!!! hello babes. thank you i wuv u

 **Crow:** <3<3<3

 **Joker:** </3

 **Joker:** Feeling kinda replaced… dhmu only real ones know

 **Crow:** Omg nooo don’t take me off your 11:11 

**Crow:** What will I do without your daily validation!

 **Joker:** I love how you say that with implications that you are being sarcastic

 **Oracle:** OUCH

 **Panther:** LMFAOOOOOO

**Crow:**

**Crow:** I have decided I am not coming home. Tell morgana I love him

 **Joker:** No

 **Queen:** The lover’s quarrel of the modern day.

 **Oracle:** deep

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

7:30PM

**Joker:** Goro never came home

 **Joker:** Help

 **Joker:** Have you seen him? He is tall and tired and is in desperate need of a haircut

 **Oracle:** LMFAOO 

**Panther:** HENBFNDKJHJHRE

 **Queen:** You guys are laughing when Akechi hasn’t come back home nor said anything for like 3 and a half hours.

 **Joker:** Yeah guys ugh 🙄🙄🙄🙄 

**Skull:** YOU DONT SEEM VERY WORRIED EITHER MAN

 **Crow:** I’m here

 **Joker:** WHERE IS HERE

 **Joker:** Once again sufferring from withdrawals. I need my cuddles

 **Crow:** Good, suffer

 **Oracle:** ouch

 **Crow:** I’m okay by the way Okumura and I are hanging out

 **Joker:** Okayyyy

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

10:11AM

**Panther:** [screenshot.png]

 **Panther:** MY TEACHER PUT THIS ON THE LESSON PLAN

 **Panther:** I CANt STOP LAUGHING??? WHAT DOES HE MEAN “hello hummers”

 **Joker:** He likes to call humanities hums

 **Joker:** So I am assuming

 **Joker:** That is what he means.

 **Crow:** Hummus.

 **Panther:** thats fucking incredible

 **Skull:** Or he’s just a dumbass

 **Skull:** I’m voting dumbass

 **Oracle:** top 10 pickup lines i would use

 **Oracle:** number one

 **Oracle:** hello my cute little hummer. let me fill you with my hummus baby girl <3

 **Crow:** Please someone cleanse my eyes

 **Skull:** I gotchu king

 **Crow:** Thanks Sakamoto. Can always count on you

 **Skull:** Anytime. **🧼**

**Crow:**

**Crow:** I do NOT want to put soap in my eyes

 **Panther:** 🧼

**Oracle: 🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼**

**Crow:** AKIRA HELP

 **Joker:** 🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼🧼

 **Crow:** I am leaving. You should do your schoolwork

 **Panther:** LITERALLY SAYS YOU

 **Crow:** I have a free period :)

 **Panther:** >:(

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

4:11PM

**Oracle:** IM SO BORED

 **Crow:** That sounds like a you problem

 **Panther:** LMFAO

 **Joker:** Haha you just got told

 **Crow:** How are you bored. Literally how. Just hack a confidential government thing I dunno go batshit

 **Oracle:** idk if anyone can live up to how batshit u went and i dont wanna try so no i dont think i will

 **Crow:** Teammates? Friends?! To hell with that!

 **Joker:** LMFOAO\

 **Joker:** He sat there typying that completely straight faced im losing my mind

 **Crow:** I am an ace detective… a celebrity….

 **Crow:** So h **😢** How….. how does s **😢** someone like y😔 ou have things i dont **😭**

 **Panther:** STOPP

 **Oracle:** WAIT ARE WE ALLOWE DTO MAKE FUN OF U FOR THAT

 **Oracle:** thought it was still a sticky subject

 **Crow:** Wait no don’t make fun of me I’ll cry

 **Crow:** I am a narcissist with self esteem issues please

 **Oracle:** :(

 **Oracle:** hold on brb my hacker bf just texted me

 **Joker:** HUH???

 **Panther:** WHT

 **Crow:** !!! Futaba Sakura’s love life is real and thriving

 **Oracle:** FUCK YOU

 **Oracle:** akira i thought u were better than this

 **Joker:** Fucking hell are you talking about mystic messenger again

 **Oracle:** yah

 **Joker:** God DAMNIT 

**Panther:** i am so confused

 **Joker:** Korean game for horny teenage girls

 **Panther:** perfect! where do i sign up.

 **Crow:** Cool! Adding that to the list of shit I really did not need to know

 **Crow:** WAIT

 **Panther:** akira did u turn auto caps on :’(

 **Crow:** I was literally about to say that! He’s like a brand new person

 **Panther:** goro akechi just used an exclamation mark

**_Panther_ ** **added** **_Crow_ **

**Panther:** PUSSY!!

 **Oracle:** pussy

 **Joker:** LMFAO HE LEFT

 **Joker:** Pussy

 **Crow:** Am I not allowed to punctuate my sentences accordingly

 **Panther:** absolutely not!

 **Crow:** Fantastic.

 **Joker:** Now

 **Joker:** If u will excuse us I am going to demolish this crepe

 **Panther:** WHAT!!!!!!

 **Joker:** [img_3382.jpg]

 **Panther:** i am fuming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Joker:** That was the intention <3 

**Panther:** now i really want a crepe. gonna buy onr bye

 **Oracle:** WHAT cna i come :(

 **Panther:** yah babe!! plz meet me in 20 min at Shibuya station

 **Oracle:** WOOHOO

 **Joker:** **😐**

 **Crow:** Ann and Futaba go on a date: the musical

 **Panther:** WAT

 **Panther:** NO!!!!  
 **Crow:** You’re stealing our date idea 💔💔💔

 **Futaba:** Goro Akechi Shut the Fuck Up Challenge (INSANE!!!) 

**Joker:** Yoink

 **Panther:** cool can we get some context to your yoink

 **Joker:** I have revoked Goro’s phone privileges once again goodbye I’m hungry

 **Joker:** Enjoy ur date

 **Futaba:** akira u r so dumb. bye 

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

8:32PM

**Skull:** RYUJI CALLS PHANTOM THIEF MEETING

 **Panther:** wut

 **Joker:** Hi

 **Oracle:** hi

 **Noir:** Hello!

 **Queen:** Hi

 **Skull:** Your all like seagulls

 **Queen:** *You’re

 **Skull:** Anyway

 **Skull:** What are your spotify usernames we have to all be friends

 **Joker:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Joker:** FeatherRedKinner

 **Joker:** I was 14 

**Skull:** Bro

 **Skull:** Thats so cringe

 **Joker:** Thanks bro

 **Joker:** Goro is laughing at me.

 **Noir:** HaruOkumura! 

**Joker:** Can always count on Haru to be sensible

 **Oracle:** XxEpicHaxer420xX it was supposed to be ironic but its just not funny

 **Queen:** I don’t have Spotify

 **Oracle:** oh. you have apple music dont you

 **Queen:** No?? I don’t really listen to music

 **Joker:** Sorry Makoto ive already called the cops

 **Panther:** whats wrong with apple music

**Oracle:**

**Oracle:** of course

 **Skull:** I’m mad AND disappointed

 **Joker:** Well today I lost two friends

 **Crow:** Hi

 **Crow:** Ann there is everything wrong with apple music. The aesthetic is off and only basic bitches use it

 **Crow:** Bringing me to the awesome conclusion that you are a basic bitch.

 **Panther:** hunnie we been knew

 **Panther:** of course you would insult the aesthetic of apple music u little depressed emo bitch

 **Crow:** I may be a depressed emo bitch but at least I can monitor everything my friends are listening to

 **Oracle:** the spotify colour palette is literally the colours of my metaverse outfit so its instantly superior no debatez skrub

 **Queen:** Akechi, did you seriously come onto the group chat to argue about music streaming services.

 **Crow:** I would answer you but you don’t listen to music so I will pretend you haven’t spoken

 **Queen:** Bitch.

 **Panther:** LMFOAOOOOOFOODIKJHRDKFD

 **Crow:** If you don't have an emotional breakdown playlist idk if I can associate with you anymore sorry

 **Joker:** FR. Say it louder for the people in the back!

 **Skull:** You can’t say for real that’s my thing

 **Skull:** Dude :(

 **Queen:** Lover’s quarrel

 **Noir:** Lovely :)

 **Panther:** ggod that was so menacing

 **Joker:** WHY IS EVERYTHING A LOVER’S QUARREL

 **Queen:** Because lover’s quarrels are dumb?

 **Joker:** So fist fights don’t count

 **Queen:** I wouldn’t think so? Not unless it’s over something stupid

 **Queen:** Though that would bring me to assume the relationship is abusive

 **Crow:** I am a husband beater

 **Joker:** **😢**

 **Skull:** Do you guys just sometimes have full punch ons

 **Joker:** Yes

 **Joker:** Yeah crying and talking it out is cool and all but have you ever considered decking someone in the face and telling them how u feel

 **Crow:** It’s effective

 **Panther:** LMFAO u guys are so weird

 **Skull:** ????????/ 

**Skull:** Wait some dude I know told me he did that with his best friend and it was very effective

 **Joker:** Can’t believe you’d doubt me bro… dhmu 

**Skull:** BRO WAIT I WASNT DOUBTING YOU 💔

 **Joker:** 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

 **Skull:** BROOOOOOOOOOOO

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

10:44PM

  
 **Oracle:** what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I'm running out of ideas already


	3. Homophobic Homosexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to KBBQ and are just. Normal dumb teenagers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting u know cocoabeanwriting -> bananamilkz! I made that username 4 years ago and it became unbearably embarrassing to keep. I've been reborn

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

5:16AM

**Crow:** IT IS A BRAND NEW DAY

**Crow:** Good morning. Rise and shine

**Joker:** I cant believe you

**Joker:** Goro Akechi callout post. He wakes up at quarter past 5 in the morning throws the fucking blanket off me in JANUARY exposing me to very cold air and yells gm in my ear.

**Joker:** HE NEVER DOES THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

**Crow:** I felt like being extra annoying this morning

**Joker:** I Hate My Boyfriend

**Crow:** Aww <3 Cn u make me coffee

**Joker:** I Hate My Boyfriend

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

7:00AM

**Panther:** Oh my god

**Skull:** ROUGH

**Joker:** Reluctantly stayed up

**Queen:** Did you make him coffee

**Joker:** I was tempted to let him go without it but ngl 

**Joker:** He shouldn’t have to suffer thru coffee that isnt leblanc’s

**Queen:** Respect

**Fox:** I wouldn’t mind some Leblanc curry myself…

**Panther:** HE SPEAKS

**Skull:** HE SPEAKS!!!   
**Joker:** He speaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Joker:** Yusuke I will literally weep tears of joy if u come to leblanc...]

**Joker:** Pleaz I miss you and you don’t sleep in my bed only to wake me up an hour earlier than I need to be.

**Joker:** A complete disregard for the phantom thieves’ charming leader’s warm hospitality

**Crow:** FIRST OF ALL.

**Crow:** It is apart of my personality to completely disregard everything 

**Crow:** As Futaba assigned “edgelord” its my duty

**Crow:** SECOND OF ALL

**Crow:** Nvm I can’t say anything. I’m sorry I won’t do it again </3

**Joker:** Don’t believe you

**Fox:** What have I done

**Joker:** Get off ur phone BABE I thought u had a train 2 catch?

**Crow:**

**Crow:** It does not take me 15 minutes to walk to the station from your house Akira

**Queen:** Why does “house” almost feel to generous

**Panther:** ur right omg

**Crow:** ur just sum criminal trash lvivgn in an attic 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

**Joker:** Sorry did u say something? I am listening to Softcore by the Neighbourhood

**Crow:** UGH

**Crow:** Anyway.

**Crow:** Why does nobody ever talk to me at school anymore I want more love confessions they boost my ego

**Joker:** **😢**

**Skull:** At least you GOT love confessions

**Crow:** The past tense

**Skull:** I WANT A GF SO MUCH

**Joker:** We know Ryuji

**Crow:** Thanks for reiterating that, Sakamoto

**Fox:** Yes, Ryuji, we know

**Queen:** Thank you for the reminder

**Panther:** Oh man I almost forgot! It’s not like you tell us every day

**Skull:** 😔 dhmu

**Joker:** You have to at least have suave charm for the ladies to wanna get in your pants

**Joker:** It’s okay king I was like you once

**Panther:** i literally remember you losing ur shit to me when goro didn’t wanna play pool w you because you were “too dumb and ugly for his prissy ass. I’m gonna shove that cue stick so far up his ass just you watch”

**Panther:** may have been the most entertaining phone call i've ever received

**Crow:** WHAT

**Joker:** Oh yeah I never got the chance to do that huh

**Crow:** I am never going to Kichijoji with you again in my life

**Crow:** Someone please help me

**Panther:** IM SO SORRY

**Crow:** No crepe for you. Fuck you

**Panther:** HEARTBROKEN

**Panther:**

**Panther:** oh fuck i need to go

**Crow:** Byeeee

**Panther:** BYEBYEEEEEE <<3

**Joker:** I swear I was joking………………………….

**Skull:** BRO YOU NEED TO CATCH YOUR TRAIN

**Joker:** He speaks the truth! Bye Yusuke have a good day

**Fox:** Bye!

**Skull:** Why does Yusuke get a specific bye

**Joker:** I LITERALLY GO TO UR SCHOOL.

**Skull:** Fair. See you soon bro   
  


**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

12:15PM

**Oracle:** i swear im always asleep when funny shit happens

**Oracle:** the only way to prevent this is discard human function entirely

**Skull:** Poopn’t

**Joker:** That is the worst thing ive ever heard lets make out

**Skull:** Sure bro

**Oracle:** NICE

**Panther:** the bromance is strong with these two

**Joker:** Been in love with my best homie since April 10 babey

**Skull:** BRO is that our friendiversary…

**Joker:** YES BRO

**Skull:** BRO………..

**Queen:** Pay attention to your class

**Oracle:** UR LITERALLY ON YOUR PHONE

**Noir:** Mako-chan just says that to be a responsible mum friend!

**Noir:** She doesn’t actually mind :)

**Panther:** called OUT by ur own gf. rough 

**Noir:** Teehee 

**Oracle:** LMFAOO HARU TEEHEE’D 

**Queen:** Lmfao Futaba used punctuation

**Skull:** FRIED

**Panther:** status ailment epic burn

**Crow:** That was so bad Ann ily

**Panther:** HI GORO

**Crow:** Hello :D !!

**Noir:** Akechi used a happy emoji!!

**Noir:** Screenshotting and printing this out!

**Panther:** I AM GONNA CRY I LOV U SO MUCj BOTH OF U

**Joker:** HI GORO!!!

**Crow:** Sigh

**Crow:** Hello I suppose

**Joker:** I hate my life nobody talk to me

**Joker:** Who am I? Someone that’s afraid to let go, hey. Suic

**Crow:** I’m just kidding!! Hi <<3

**Joker:** OMG HI

**Crow:** Gotta run I’m still an honours student 

**Skull:** We get it your better then us at everything

**Queen:** *you’re *than

**Crow:** Thank you Niijima

**Crow:** backflips out of chat

**Queen:** Get back to work everyone!

**Joker:** UGHHH FINE

**Skull:** Yes maam

**Panther:** okayyyyy

**Noir:** Lunch is soon! Power through >:D

**Oracle:** i love u haru

**Noir:** <<3

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

6:01PM

**Joker:** SPONTANEOUS INVITATION WHO WANTS TO GET DINNER!!!!

**Joker:** EVERYONE IS INVITED

**Noir:** Yes please!

**Skull:** What are we having doe..

**Joker:** I was thinking kbbq but I mean we can do whatever if u guys have other ideas…….

**Panther:** i am SO IN please

**Panther:** i wanna get that weird ass grape jelly drink i had the last time i went it was pretty banging

**Oracle:** IM COMING !!! Making mw over to leblanc rn

**Oracle:** haha sojiro is jealous

**Joker:** INVITE HIM 2!!!

**Joker:** But everyone should know we’re splitting the bill >:(

**Queen:** I’m in! Where are we meeting

**Joker:** Koraitei! Let’s aim for 7?

**Queen:** Gotcha

**Oracle:** sojiro said he’s not coming bc he’s boring 

**Skull:** LAME

**Skull:** Im coming doe!!

**Fox:** I’ll have to pass, I don’t believe I have sufficient funds at the moment.

**Noir:** I’ll pay for you! Everyone’s going, you don’t get to miss out!!

**Oracle:** angel

**Skull:** Haru is the best person in our entire friend group

**Joker:** AUTOMATIC UNANIMOUS AGREEMENT

**Joker:** Jk! Ur all the best <<3

**Noir:** Yeah! Aki-kun’s right :)

**Queen:** Correct! No, Akechi, numerous counts of first degree murder doesn’t mean you’re not included

**Crow:** You are all insane

**Crow:** Anyway.

**Crow:** I am so hungry I can’t wait

**Panther:** SAME

**Panther:** OM NOM NOM

**Panther:** (that’s the sound of me eating everything b4 u guys can)

**Oracle:** WAAH WAAH WAAAAHH

**Oracle:** (thats the sound of ann crying when she has to pay for 8 people and a cat’s worth of food)

**Skull:** AGAHAHGAHAGHAHAGAH

**Panther:** SHUT UPPPPGPPGPP  **😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭**

**Panther:** the homophobia is strong

**Crow:** Gay people make me fucking FURIOUS

**Crow:** What’s wrong with heterosexuality? Man and woman were made for eachother. Literally. Haven’t you read the bible? It’s my leisure reading. I vividly recall our lord and savior, Jesus Christ, and his father, explicitly talking and laughing about how much homosexuality is a disgrace on this planet of earth. I cannot even describe how much it resonated with me. How will they have babies? After all, that’s all women are good for. Th

**Oracle:** that crosses that off the list of things i need to ask you

**Crow:** About if I’m homophobic? The answer is absolutely

**Panther:** I quickly became homophobic. Hating on gay people became part of my lifestyle 

**Oracle:** im homophobic too

**Oracle:** open the fucking door you twink

**Joker:** LMFAOOOO

**Crow:** I

**Crow:**

**Panther:** waves hand in front of ur face

**Panther:** are u ok

**Crow:** **😭**

**Noir:** Should you guys be leaving soon?

**Joker:** SHIT UR RITE

**Oracle:** FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD F


	4. Kin assign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haircuts and shopping to cope with the fact that I miss my homies and my gf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try make chapter titles from now on. Maybe. Idk. Anyway I wrote this chapter in like a couple hrs today I hope yall enjoy it!

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

1:14AM

**Oracle:** @crow

 **Oracle:** i diagnose you with jughead jones

 **Crow:** What in the fuck is a Jughead Jones

 **Panther:** OUCH

 **Joker:** I can see it

 **Crow:** I AM SO CONFUSED

 **Panther:** jughead is from a rly horrible show called riverdale 

**Panther:** trust me if its past the 2nd season it’s really not worth ur time <<3

 **Crow:** I don’t have the time for anything between making out and being an honours student

 **Crow:** Dramatic sigh, my life is so hard.

 **Oracle:** thanks 

**Oracle:** anyway jughead is an emo guy who is quirky edgy and weird and he also came back from the dead

 **Oracle:** kin assign

 **Crow:** I’m going to pretend you did not just type out those words

 **Crow:** I didn’t come back from the dead I never died in the first place

 **Oracle:** u legit got shot in the chest

 **Crow:** Bold of you to assume I could die

 **Joker:** I was so close to making a vine reference, this is what sleep deprivation does to a person

 **Panther:** goro voice im a bad bitch u cant kill me x3

 **Joker:** Do not

 **Oracle:** the x3 too i cant fucking deal

 **Crow:** I may talk, text, act, and dress like a middle age man but even I know that the world would’ve been better off if you never said that. Goodnight

  
  
  


**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

5:50PM

**Joker:** IT’S TIME.

 **Fox:** Ominous.

 **Joker:** IT’S COMING OFF.

 **Skull:** congratulations on getting your foreskin removed!

 **Skull:** Proud of you bae

 **Panther:** FJhRJDKFRHEWJDFKEHBj

 **Queen:** I request that you delete that message, Ryuji

 **Skull:** nuh uh

**Queen:**

**Queen:** Anyway. What’s coming off?

 **Joker:** HIS HAIR

 **Joker:** I’M CUTTING GORO’S HAIR

 **Panther:** WHAT

 **Oracle:** HWAT!!

 **Skull:** HUH???

 **Queen:** What.

 **Noir:** Really?

 **Joker:** My little femboy’s gettin a trim babey!!

 **Crow:** Did you just call me a femboy

 **Joker:** Absolutely

 **Skull:** He’s not wrong

 **Fox:** I thought I was your little femboy?

 **Panther:** _excuse me?_

 **Queen:** I don’t know how to react to that.

 **Skull:** Femboy duo

 **Joker:** Ok brb it’s happening

 **Panther:** ANTICIPATION

 **Queen:** As we wait,

 **Queen:** Who is keen for a study session!

 **Skull:** UHGGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Panther:** UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

**Fox:** Sure.

 **Noir:** Yes!

 **Oracle:** can i jjust sit there lookimg pretty

 **Queen:** You always look pretty!

 **Oracle:** -////-

 **Noir:** I agree!

 **Panther:** same here!

 **Panther:** all the girls in our group are sooo cute <3

 **Queen:** Lesbian excellence.

 **Panther:** Absolutely

 **Panther:** SPEAKING OF LESBIANISM

 **Panther:** shiho n i are going on a date 2niiiiiiiiite

 **Skull:** Now im back to wanting a gf

 **Skull:** Yay

 **Panther:** lol

 **Skull:** Your so mean to me bae

 **Panther:** sry im heterophobic :)

 **Crow:** Me too

 **Queen:** I thought you were homophobic yesterday?

 **Crow:** I’m actually a double agent. I am reporting back to straight people, telling them how my investigation on heterophobes is.

 **Oracle:** NOT AGAIN

 **Skull:** Goddamn it gotta get the crowbar back out

 **Crow:** You are a really hard hitter has anyone told you that

 **Skull:** Yeah bro that’s all im yooseful for

 **Crow:** Akira says that’s a lie and he loves you

 **Skull:** AWWW BRO

 **Skull:** 💗💗💖💖💞💞💕💕💙💚💓💘💘💘💘💛💛💛💝💝❤❤💜💖💗💞💚💓💘💘💘💛💛💛💛💘💘💘💘💘💜💕💕💕💜💜💕💜💜💜💕💕💜❤❤💕💜💞💖💖💖💞💕💙💙💚💓💓💘💘💛💛💛💝💝💜💕💕💕💙💙💙💚💚💚💚

 **Skull:** I love you man…

 **Crow:** Get a room you two ugh

 **Queen:** Someone’s jealous!

 **Crow:** Niijima junior shut up challenge

 **Panther:** jealous

 **Oracle:** jeaaalous

 **Fox:** Jealous?

 **Crow:** I hate it here

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

6:23PM

**Joker:** [LOOK.png]

 **Joker:** HE LOOKS SO HANDSOME

 **Crow:** Why do I suddenly feel like I have been sent 11 years back in time

 **Skull:** AKECHI????

 **Panther:** Hole e SHIT

 **Panther:** u r SUCH a hottie omg

 **Queen:** Looking good!

 **Oracle:** now i want a haircut

 **Oracle:** soooojirooooooooooooooo

 **Joker:** IF SOJIRO SAYS YES I WILL CUT YOUR HAIR

 **Queen:** The entire Sakura family is getting their hair cut, alright

 **Fox:** Give boss’ goatee a little trim.

 **Joker:** That is. Not happening

 **Joker:** I don’t even NEED a haircut

 **Crow:** You just need to brush your hair.

 **Joker:** I THOUGHT U LIKED MY CHAOTIC HAIR

 **Crow:** It’s cute but like. Brush it.

 **Oracle:** i agree

 **Oracle:** also I am omw to leblanc!! futaba comin in hot with the uhhh shoulder length hair

 **Panther:** KYOOT

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

7:01PM

**Joker:** [squidkidisnomore.png]

 **Joker:** [together.png]

 **Joker:** My masterpieces

 **Skull:** Poggers

 **Joker:** Thanks Ryuji

 **Skull:** Anytime bro

 **Crow:** My hair isn’t going to make me look like a drowned rat when I come out of the rain. Finally, happiness at last.

 **Oracle:** the enthusiasm shined through

 **Crow:** I’m actually really grateful my hair was kind of gross

 **Panther:** “he’s never gonna get popular with that kinda hair though” -Ryuji Sakamoto, 9/6/16

 **Skull:** “Oh, am I mistaken? I thought I heard something about delicious pancakes” -Goro Akechi, 9/6/16

 **Crow:** Shut the fuck up I don’t even like pancakes that much

 **Noir:** Futaba-chan, you look adorable!

 **Noir:** Both of you look so good! Aki-kun did a great job :D !!

 **Joker:** THANK U HARU <<<3

 **Fox:** What Haru said. Wonderful work!

 **Joker:** Career ended as a barista I’m now a hairdresser

 **Joker:** Thanx for stroking my ego I’ve already rented out a shop <3

 **Panther:** MEMEMEMEME!!! NEXT DO ME NEXT

 **Skull:** Ann if your hair was short would you still wear it in pigtails

 **Panther:** ya they’d just be like

 **Panther:** tiny

 **Joker:** Either u always wear it out or it isn’t happening

 **Panther:** UGHHH FINE

 **Panther:** BOYCOTT KURUSU HAIRDRESSING

 **Joker:** ANN PLEASE I’M SORRY

 **Panther:** i am walking away

 **Joker:** Heart been broke so many times before

 **Panther:** UR LITERALLY THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH ME

 **Oracle:** huh

 **Joker:** Oh yeah we dated for like a month and then I realised I liked goro n we broke up

 **Oracle:** OUCH

 **Panther:** i literally didnt care bc i, too, realised i was literally in love with shiho so like

 **Queen:** That’s kind of iconic

 **Panther:** bi solidarity babey!!

 **Oracle:** LMFAOOO

 **Panter:** i mean i literally 4got it happened before u said that 

**Joker:** Fair enough

 **Queen:** Actually this is sort of off topic but

 **Queen:** @Crow you still call us all by our family names except for Akira and Ann

 **Crow:** Ya

 **Oracle:** “ya” ur such a little bitch omg

 **Crow:** <3

 **Crow:** I mean. I just never really thought that hard about it?

 **Noir:** You’re our friend! No matter how much you try to deny it, mister

 **Fox:** Yes, Haru is correct.

 **Skull:** Your an asshole but your willing to come out for ramen with me so you get a pass

 **Crow:** Much appreciated

 **Crow:** *You’re

 **Skull:** THIN FUCKING ICE

 **Oracle:** i don’t like any1 calling me sakura anyway its weird

 **Crow:** Okay I guess I can. Try?

 **Crow:** You can call me Goro, then

 **Queen:** That’d just be uncomfortable if we didn’t.

 **Crow:** True

 **Crow:** Well then! Good chat I’m going to have a bath

 **Oracle:** loser

 **Oracle:** i am RAVENOUS me want curry

 **Fox:** Can I come get some too?

 **Joker:** YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 **Joker:** YUSUKE IN LEBLANNCCCDFDEHG

 **Fox:** !! :)

 **Joker:** I MISS U SO BAD!!!

 **Fox:** I miss you too, Akira!

 **Noir:** Wholesome! :)

 **Oracle:** haru said wholesome i am going to COMBUST

 **Noir:** D:

 **Noir:** Please do not combust!!

 **Oracle:** SORRY I WONT I SWEAR

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

10:45AM

**Queen:** I really need some new stationery.

 **Queen:** Does anyone want to come shopping today? I’d like to stock up on some stuff from Muji.

 **Panther:** YES PLEASE!!! i need one of those multicoloured pens, my other one ran out of ink and they make my notes look like 10x cuter!!!!

 **Noir:** I’ll come!

 **Oracle:** i want in >:3

 **Panther:** OMG FUN!!! gurlz afternoon!!

 **Panther:** i know this really good smoothie bar can we go get smoothiezzzz

 **Noir:** Yes!! I’ve been craving a smoothie!

 **Joker:** I dont wanna intrude on ur fun for one thing so could sum1 buy me 5 of those flashcard thingies and I’ll pay u back on Monday ..

 **Queen:** How studious. I’ll get you some!

 **Joker:** I can always count on u makoto!! :D ur a lifesaver

 **Queen:** :)

 **Queen:** I’ll meet you all at Shibuya station at 11:30?

 **Oracle:** soooounds good

 **Panther:** ^^ !!

 **Noir:** Yes!! :D

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

11:13AM

**Skull:** UGHHHH we always getting left behind

 **Skull:** First the banana boats now this

 **Crow:** The what

 **Skull:** We went to the beach on the summer holidays and all the girls went on banana boats like, without even OFFERING to let us join

 **Crow:** Fair enough.

 **Skull:** NOT fair enough!!! 

**Joker:** We ended up attempting to pick up chicks instead

 **Crow:** Fascinating. Heterosexuals truly are incredible.

 **Skull:** I am going to call you a slur

 **Crow:** Do it, bitch

 **Skull:** I typed it out and everything but I can't do it

 **Crow:** Pussy.

 **Crow:** I’m assuming no chicks were picked up?

 **Joker:** If you’re not including Yusuke’s lobsters, yeah

 **Fox:** My lobsters were a fantastic purchase.

 **Fox:** Do not ridicule me.

 **Joker:** I wasn’t, man, those were some sexy specimens indeed 

**Fox:** Your mind is large.

 **Skull:** LMFAO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the amount of attention I give goro in this fic is downright absurd, I'm sry I just want da best 4 him. Its like a weird au where everything is the same except everyone loves goro faster than they probably should considering wht he's done. but like. idealism is the only thing keepin me going over here


	5. tw/ sh*do masayoshi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back! the last chpter wasnt even /that/ long ago it just felt like a lifetime ago considering how slowly time moves atm

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

11:42PM

**Panther:** DO U GUYS HAVE THAT ONE SONG

 **Crow:** No

 **Panther:** your liver will fail in precisely 14 minutes

 **Crow:** You’re doing me a favour

 **Panther:** shut up goro stop being sad go to sleep

 **Panther:** do u guys have that one song that u dont even love tht much but u just feel like ur ascending when u listen to it

 **Panther:** not even ascending

 **Panther:** more like. u just 

**Panther:** nvm cant articulate it

 **Oracle:** felt

 **Oracle:** anyway YES !!

 **Oracle:** i just gain newborn power when i listen to songs like that

 **Panther:** FR

 **Skull:** HI

 **Skull:** Do you guys have a song you mentally jam to when fighting shadows 

**Joker:** HELLO

 **Joker:** YES

 **Joker:** KK Crusin

 **Oracle:** taste

 **Skull:** What is that

 **Joker:** LISTEN TO IT

 **Skull:** Ok

 **Skull:** Very good

 **Joker:** I can proudly say I would like to die to that song

 **Joker:** Does mona have a radio. Can I play kk cruisin permanently

 **Joker:** GORO JUST SAID “your wish is my command” AND STARTED PLAYING IT

 **Joker:** HELP??

 **Queen:** I’m sorry to remind you, but we can’t fight shadows anymore, because the metaverse is gone. So maybe you don’t want to miss out on this chance?

 **Joker:** THE WOMAN HAS A POINT

 **Oracle:** pov you are sojiro. you forgot your wallet at leblanc and u crave mcnuggies at 11pm. you go back to leblanc to hear an animal crossing song blasting as ur kind of son is being stabbed to death

 **Oracle:** wyd

 **Queen:** Join in.

 **Oracle:** Are you stabbing or being stabbed

 **Queen:** Stabbing, absolutely.

 **Skull:** Cry 

**Panther:** Take a video

 **Joker:** Feeling loved rn

 **Joker:** Not </3

 **Joker:** Going to go cuddle the only person who cares about me

 **Queen:** In this hypothetical situation, Goro is the one stabbing you to death.

 **Joker:** And?

 **Joker:** I asked for him to?

 **Joker:** Why’s everything gotta be a hypothetical

 **Panther:** ur our fearless leader u cant die!!

 **Joker:** i have ptsd

 **Panther:** ur our leader u cant die!!

 **Joker:** we disbanded   
**Panther:** ur sexy!!! dont die

 **Joker:** FINE

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

6:45AM

**Joker:** MORI MORI MORI MORI MORIOH CHO RADIO

 **Oracle:** (morioh cho radio)

 **Skull:** WE LOVE MORIOH CHO

 **Fox:** What?

 **Queen:** What.

 **Panther:** WHAT WAS THAT

 **Skull:** You call yourselves true japanese people yet you dont even know our national anthem

 **Joker:** Scoff

 **Crow:** Did you just type scoff

 **Queen:** You’re right! I’m actually Irish.

 **Crow:** Lass.

 **Queen:** Do not.

 **Oracle:** stop using full stops youre scaring me

 **Joker:** DO NOT SCARE THE CHILDREN

 **Joker:** HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS

 **Queen:** What else am I supposed to do to hold up the school council president honour?

 **Oracle:** you can use capitals and apostrophes idc just ple as e stop punctuating ur texts

 **Joker:** Yeah you guys speak like my parents

 **Crow:** Maybe we are your parents?

 **Joker:** Idk thats kinda weird i dont know if i want you to be my dad

 **Crow:** I tick all the boxes. I’m mentally unstable, I punctuate my sentences, I am angry and bitter permanently.

 **Oracle:**

**Oracle:** do u make literal children kill people u dont like so they dont tell the teacher on u

 **Crow:** Touche 

**Joker:** I love u doe :(

 **Joker:** I dont love my dad hes an ass and disowned me :) same w my mum but

 **Panther:** i will never not be mad over that

 **Oracle:** at least we gave sh*do’s stupid ass a good beating

 **Skull:** HELL YEAH PHANTOM THIEVES STAY WINNING

 **Crow:** Did you just censor his name

 **Oracle:** tw/ sh*do masayoshi

 **Joker:** FUCK SHIDO MASAYOSHI

  
  


ALL MY HOMIES HATE SHIDO MASAYOSHI

 **Crow:** I am homies. I cannot stress enough how much I am homies.

 **Joker:** It’s ok we know

 **Fox:** I am homies!

 **Oracle:** i, too, am homies

 **Panther:** we are ALL homies

 **Skull:** U mess with my bro, u mess with my bro’s bae, u mess with my bro’s little sis, so now you are valid for a kick in da nuts

 **Crow:** He was set for a kick to the nuts since the day he learned what politics was.

 **Oracle:** TRUTH

 **Crow:** Anyway, moving on from his ugly ass face with his stupid glasses,

 **Crow:** I would like a curry bun.

 **Panther:** its quarter past 7 in the am

 **Panther:** fatass

 **Crow:** I know I have a fat ass :)

 **Oracle:** whatever u say

 **Fox:** I, too, would like a curry bun.

 **Crow:** If you’re at the station in the next 5 minutes I can buy you some?

 **Fox:** I’m there right now. 

**Oracle:** goro has gained the achievement: selfless act of kindness!

 **Crow:** I am not nice. I am mean. Graahgh

 **Crow:** Alright I see you Yusuke, come claim your buns

 **Fox:** Happiness is real!

 **Joker:** IM PROUD OF U. Baby has learned the emotion: niceness!!!

 **Crow:** I spent like an extra 600 yen. I didn’t save a baby from a burning home

 **Joker:** U dont even buy food for ME babe </3 im proud of u

 **Crow:** I would buy you food if you asked for it

 **Joker:** Ok fatty tuna for mona and ummm

 **Crow:** I am NOT buying you sushi

 **Joker:** Convenience store sushi? **👉👈**

 **Crow:** I’ll pay for it, but I’m getting it on the way home

 **Joker:** Have I told u how muhcj I love u

 **Oracle:** TWO SELFLESS ACTS OF KINDNESS IN ONE DAY!!!!!!!!

 **Oracle:** hey goro can u pleasepleaspleaseeee preorder me a switch <3

 **Crow:** What’s that?

 **Oracle:** dw just give me the numbers on ur credit card, expiration date, and the 3 cute little numbers on the back ^_^

 **Skull:** Yeah man me too

 **Fox:** Goro’s kindness meter has reached maximum capacity for today.

 **Oracle:** retreat and try again tomorrow ryuji

 **Skull:** Gotcha

 **Queen:** Alright you guys, get to school.

 **Skull:** ugggghhhhhhhhhggg

 **Skull:** Yes maam

 **Oracle:** lol kek imagine going to school based based cringeeeee

 **Joker:** I cant believe my little sister is a dudebro

**Akira Kurusu + Goro Akechi**

7:45AM

**Akechi:** Okay, so, an idea.

 **Akechi:** I wanted to see what a Switch actually was, and I’m thinking. I’ve got a lot of money left over from the Metaverse, as well as my part time job

 **Akechi:** Do you wanna maybe split to get Futaba one as a late birthday present when they come out?

 **Kurusu:** YES

 **Kurusu:** That's such a good idea u should take my role as big brother

 **Akechi:** I. Do not think that is a good idea

 **Kurusu:** I’ll have to make sure sojiro doesnt give in to her begging

 **Kurusu:** ALSO

 **Kurusu:** Youre getting softttttt

 **Akechi:** I am feral. I am mean. I am angry, I am bitter, I am a lone wolf.

 **Kurusu:** <<3

 **Akechi:** >:(

 **Akechi:** Have a day that is somewhat satisfactory

 **Kurusu:** You too!!!! Love youuu

 **Akechi:** …..<3

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

5:01PM

**Oracle:** I

 **Oracle:** FOUND

 **Oracle:** DUCK CORRECTION TAPE

 **Noir:** What’s that?

 **Oracle:** its correction tape!!! and the container!!!! looks like a duck!!!!!!!!!!

 **Panther:** pics or it didnt happen

 **Oracle:** <https://i.imgur.com/Dhjvk3f.jpg>

**Panther:** BABIES

 **Noir:** I want one! Where did you get them from, Futaba-chan?

 **Oracle:** daiso!! the heaven for people living off a fortnightly allowance

 **Joker:** THOSE ARE SO CUTE

 **Fox:** How was your sushi?

 **Joker:** IT WAS ACTUALLY RLY GOOD

 **Joker:** Everyone say my boyfriend is the best!

 **Oracle:** no

 **Joker:** Well my bf is the best.

 **Joker:** Do you ever just listen to a song and r like. I am horny!

 **Fox:** Because it actually makes you horny?

 **Joker:** No just like its so hot that ur like. If this song was a person id be dtf

 **Crow:** :(

 **Joker:** It’s ok babe ur always my number one

 **Panther:** of course akira would have side hoes

 **Panther:** valentines day, 11 women which r the physical embodiment of songs u like walk into leblanc, goro is close to follow, they beat u to death

 **Joker:** WHY WOULD U SAY THAT

 **Joker:** That sounds terrifying

 **Oracle:** KFJHGDFJKDHBDSN

 **Oracle:** i can see that happening

 **Fox:** Boss walks in afterwards to find him collapsed on the ground. He places a chocolate on the bench out of pity. Akira proceeds to pass out.

 **Crow:** Sounds fantastic, I’m in.

 **Panther:** hey this is soooo outta the blue but i REALLY wanna hav a sleepovr

 **Panther:** MUSIC and NAIL PAINTING and GOSSIPING

 **Crow:** I am so in

 **Joker:** YES

 **Noir:** Yes!! Please!!!!

 **Noir:** Mako-chan says she’s in!! <3

 **Fox:** I would be delighted to join. 

**Skull:** Skull has joined the chat

 **Skull:** I WANNA HAVE SLEEMPOVER

 **Panther:** OK!!!!

 **Panther:** i wasnt expecting literally everyone to be keen sooo time to intrude on goro and akira’s peace

 **Crow:** Cheesy line about how you’re not intruding because you’re our wonderful friends who could never be annoying, ever.

 **Oracle:** shut up loser 

**Crow:** No :)

 **Noir:** Please do not kill eachother!

 **Crow:** If I so desired I would’ve done that before. It’s okay, Futaba Sakura lives to see another day.

 **Oracle:** nvm im not coming i will get smothered by goro while i sleep

 **Crow:** Now you’re getting it!

 **Joker:** Sigh. What have I told you about killing the people you love

 **Crow:** Not to?

 **Joker:** That’s correct! Pillow privileges revoked anyway

 **Crow:** </3

 **Panther:** there will be NO homocide

 **Panther:** aaaanyway is 2nite gud. can we come over in like an hr

 **Joker:** oe

 **Joker:** I mean that sounds fine 2 me is that good 4 every1 else

 **Skull:** Yea!!

 **Fox:** Sure.

 **Oracle:** rawr means yes in dinosaur

 **Queen:** Yes.

 **Noir:** Okay!!

 **Panther:** OKAYYY SEE YALL SOON im bringing movies

 **Oracle:** YAYY FUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u liked dis chapter!! ok passes out


	6. Pathetic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Futaba changes things up a little ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW sorry for the lack of updates recently!! I had like no idea what 2 write but i got inspiration rly weirdly suddenly last night so enjoy !!!! <3

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

4:42PM

**Oracle:** everyone’s names in this gc r so boorrringgggfnn

 **Oracle:** the phantom thieves r no more. let us be reborn

**_Oracle has changed 8 nicknames._ **

**Rawr:** hope u like them. thus marks the day of a new beginning

 **Homocide:** Thanks! Die

 **Spiked punch:** I’m sorry Futaba, but this is the lamest name you could’ve given me.

 **Spiked punch:** You didn’t even spell homicide right?

 **Rawr:** ITS THE JOKE THAT ANN MADE YESTERDAY

 **Rawr:** also ur name came to me suddenly last night makoto. ur literally spiked punch

 **Simp magnet:** it wasnt a joke im just incapable of spelling

 **Titanic joke:** I don’t even understand mine.

 **Rawr:** UGHHHHH YOU GUYS SUCK

 **Goro in the cumjar:** THIS IS THE WORST NAME YOU COULDVE GIVEN ME

 **Goro in the cumjar:** Bye

 **Dudebro:** NICE

 **Dudebro:** I like mine

 **Rawr:** i know

 **Goro in the cumjar:** If we have to put up with this shit so do u

**_Goro in the cumjar changed Rawr’s nickname to Femcel._ **

**Femcel:** goro plz smother him in his sleep for me

 **Homocide:** This conversation is making me lose brain cells

 **Femcel:** hol up im gonna change makotos. after some consideration i admit its a little too lame

**_Femcel changed Spiked punch’s nickname to Lesbian auntie._ **

**Femcel:** better

 **Lesbian auntie:** Not particularly, but I’ll take it.

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** What happened to everyone’s names?!

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Oh.

 **Dudebro:** HAHAGHGHAAHHAHGSHA

 **Simp magnet:** LMAOOOOOO

 **Lesbian auntie:** Oh my god

 **Goro in the cumjar:** All of these names are horrible and unfunny but Haru’s is the best one

 **Femcel:** thanks it was the only one i didnt have to think about it just came to me

 **Homocide:** Jokes are significantly less funny if you have to think hard about them. 

**Femcel:** you say that like u have said a funny joke ever in your life

 **Dudebro:** He probably thought that one from the social studys trip was hilarious

 **Lesbian auntie:** *studies

 **Simp magnet:** OH NO

 **Simp magnet:** the santa joke 😭

 **Homocide:** My point has been made.

 **Homocide:** See, I stood in front of my mirror and practiced that one, and the joke was never funny in the first place

 **Goro in the cumjar:** You WHAT

 **Homocide:** I also say that like I didn’t practice everything in front of the mirror

 **Femcel:** well THATS honestly tragic

 **Homocide:** I agree

 **Goro in the cumjar:** Omg I wanna go to ikea so bad

 **Goro in the cumjar:** My room is cozy but its like. Lacking

 **Homocide:** “Cozy”, he said. 

**Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Don’t you live with Aki-kun though?

 **Homocide:** I stay here because I l*ve him. Not his ratty attic. Also I don’t want to wake up in my apartment with a knife to my throat lol

 **Femcel:** did you j

 **Simp magnet:** emotional constipation

 **Homocide:** It’s a trigger word

 **Simp magnet:** loser

 **Homocide:** Shut up

 **Simp magnet:** lets make out

 **Goro in the cumjar:** :’(

 **Dudebro:** *shiho voice* how could you…………

 **Dudebro:** If you guys go to ikea can I come

 **Goro in the cumjar:** THE PHANTOM THIEVES IN IKEA

 **Simp magnet:** i will totally come along for that. please the garlic bread is so good

 **Simp magnet:** AND THE SOFT DRINKS

 **Simp magnet:** i love ikea

 **Dudebro:** You love the foodcourt

 **Simp magnet:** kindly end your life xoxo

 **Dudebro:** 😢

 **Femcel:** dam ann is it that serious

 **Simp magnet:** YES. shaming me for EATING

 **Titanic joke:** Ikea!

 **Titanic joke:** I have no money but I will tag along! 

**Goro in the cumjar:** FFFFUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Goro in the cumjar:** Do you think I’ll get kicked out for bringing Monamona

 **Homocide:** It’s a shock you haven’t been kicked out of literally everywhere you go.

 **Homocide:** If you can smuggle the cat into your fucking school desk I’m pretty sure Ikea’s fine

 **Simp magnet:** the bitterness is RADIATING

 **Homocide:** I don’t get to get away for pancakes but you get a cat with you. Life is hard for the LGBT+ community

 **Dudebro:** Pancakes.

 **Homocide:** Kindly shut up :)

 **Goro in the cumjar:** I AM the lgbt community!!!

 **Homocide:** No. Get out. You’re not invited. Go kiss a girl

 **Lesbian auntie:** Cishet Akira Kurusu… it’s horrifying. Get it away from me.

 **Goro in the cumjar:** SEE MAKOTO GETS IT

 **Dudebro:** Arent you bi

 **Goro in the cumjar:** 😄

 **Goro in the cumjar:** Chile anyway

 **Simp magnet:** DONT TRY CHANGE THE SUBJECT

 **Goro in the cumjar:** UGH FINE yes I am a bisexual meaning I also like f*males but I currently like this guy called akechi he’s kinda cute

 **Homocide:** A horrible decision, really.

 **Homocide:** Anyway

 **Homocide:** When are we going to Ikea? I want a new pillow. Akira’s feels like a piece of paper in a scratchy case.

 **Goro in the cumjar:** YOU SAY THAT like my bed isnt literally a futon on crates

 **Homocide:** Points were made. Can’t argue with that

 **Dudebro:** Can we go tomorrow since its a weekend

 **Dudebro:** Yusuke your not busy are you

 **Simp magnet:** boys will be like your cute 😍😍 my cute what?

 **Dudebro:** *you're shut up ann

 **Lesbian auntie:** I’m shut up Ann?

 **Dudebro:** I hate everyone here

 **Goro in the cumjar:** Guys don’t buly reyuji his doing he’s best

 **Lesbian auntie:** My braincells. I miss them.

 **Dudebro:** NOT YOU TOO BRO

 **Goro in the cumjar:** Uh anyway

 **Goro in the cumjar:** Who wants to burn a cop car with me

 **Simp magnet:** im miss sugar pink, lick a lick a lips, hit me with your sweet love, seal it with a kiss

 **Titanic joke:** ????

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Oh! Is that Marina?

 **Simp magnet:** I BELIEVE IN HARU SUPREMACY

 **Simp magnet:** YES

 **Titanic joke:** what is a “Marina?”

 **Simp magnet:** OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR

 **Simp magnet:** i can easily recite any song u ask me to by her. even the unreleased ones. my power

 **Lesbian auntie:** Dare I ask context for that exchange?

 **Simp magnet:** weirdly specific textpost on tumblr

 **Lesbian auntie:** I will nod as I pretend that I know what that means

 **Femcel:** YO LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT

 **Femcel:** [ https://cf.shopee.co.id/file/c73f5af512e779ef5c2a075081b68765 ](https://cf.shopee.co.id/file/c73f5af512e779ef5c2a075081b68765)

**Femcel:** hold him firmly

 **Lesbian auntie:** You buy the weirdest stuff.

 **Femcel:** ARE YOU DISSING THE MINISO DOLPHIN FISH THING

 **Femcel:** he’s so SOFT

 **Goro in the cumjar:** I expect him in my arms in 5 minutes. Or else.

 **Femcel:** OKAY LET ME PUT MY SHOES ON

 **Simp magnet:** theres no need for shoes, baby. take your socks off

**_Femcel has removed Simp magnet from The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)._ **

**Femcel:** peace at last

 **Goro in the cumjar:** There is a gap between my arms needing to be filled by a fishy!!!

 **Homocide:** Am I not good enough for you?

 **Goro in the cumjar:** UGH I suppose you’ll do for now

 **Homocide:** :)

 **Titanic joke:** Youthful romance.

 **Femcel:** fishy lad seduces local high schooler, leaving his boyfriend in the dust for some kylie jenner looking lips

 **Goro in the cumjar:** LESS TYPING MORE COMING TO LEBLANC FUTABA

 **Goro in the cumjar:** But keep an eye on your TVs guys that may just be the next headline

 **Goro in the cumjar:** Update! Goro just headbutted my chin

 **Lesbian auntie:** Good.

 **Goro in the cumjar:** SHE’S HERE WITH THE FISH

**_Goro in the cumjar changed their nickname to Fishy in the cumjar._ **

**Fishy in the cumjar:** Happiness

**_Homocide added Ann Takamaki._ **

**_Homocide changed Ann Takamaki’s nickname to Goro’s new wife_ **

**Goro’s new wife:** YES

 **Goro’s new wife:** This was my plan all along 

**Homocide:** Wait okay the fish is actually really soft 

**Femcel:** RIGHT

 **Goro’s new wife:** Polyamorous 

**_Goro’s new wife changed Homocide’s nickname to Bitches by MSI_ **

**Bitches by MSI:** What the fuck

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** BITCHES LOVE ME BITCHES LOVE ME BITCHES LOVE ME BITCHES LOVE ME BITCHES LOVE ME BITCHES LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME LOVE ME

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Are.. you okay?

 **Bitches by MSI:** What the fuck.

 **Dudebro:** I say shit and makoto is on my ass about it but akechi says the f word and he gets away with it!!

 **Lesbian auntie:** Because he’s Goro Akechi?

 **Bitches by MSI:** Exactly. Goro supremacy

 **Lesbian auntie:** No, it’s just because nothing about you can surprise us anymore.

 **Lesbian auntie:** And I can’t really tell you off, because you’re practically an adult.

 **Lesbian auntie:** That doesn’t mean I think it’s fair, it’s just that I can act like Ryuji’s mum because he’s actually younger than me and acts like it.

**Bitches by MSI:**

**Bitches by MSI:** I know you said you can’t tell me off, but that didn’t stop you from sounding like you were telling me off.

 **Femcel:** to the naughty corner with ye

 **Bitches by MSI:** :(

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

1:23PM

**Goro’s new wife:** GOOOOD MORNING

 **Bitches by MSI:** Hi Ann! It’s almost 1:30 in the pm

**Goro’s new wife:**

**Goro’s new wife:** GOOOOD AFTERNOON!

**_Goro’s new wife changed their nickname to Simp magnet._ **

**Simp magnet:** i like this one more

 **Femcel:** if monamona got a chat id his nick would be simp and it would be a match made in heaven

 **Lesbian auntie:** Well, he’s a cat.

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Meow! 😺

**Lesbian auntie:**

**Lesbian auntie:** Cute.

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** You’ve awakened something in Makoto

 **Lesbian auntie:** NO! Absolutely not!

 **Femcel:** awfully defensive for someone who isnt a furry

 **Lesbian auntie:** Everyone shut up. Please

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** Ryuji and Goro got into a heated battle over who could eat 8 pieces of garlic bread the fastest at the foodcourt. Goro won

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** His victory speech: “ive never lost my virginity because i never lose”, which i can debunk right now

 **Simp magnet:** tmi

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** ANYWAY it was really funny and ryuji smacked him in the forehead. Goro almost fell off his chair

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** Also yusuke said “the fire in their eyes is inspiring” which was hilarious

 **Dudebro:** Akechi died afterwards which was hilarious

 **Dudebro:** Im still goin… got my meatballs….

 **Simp magnet:** IKEA MEATBALLS

 **Simp magnet:** i am so jealous i want ikea food :(((

 **Bitches by MSI:** This is surprisingly actually a really productive trip

 **Bitches by MSI:** Next up is to buy Akira a comfortable couch and a TV from this century!

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** IT WAS A GOOD PRICE AND THE TV WORKS

 **Bitches by MSI:** And that’s about the extent of it

 **Femcel:** i can confirm that tv fucking SUCKS

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** I LIVE??? IN AN ATTIC?????

 **Lesbian auntie:** I would see how the TV is the least of your worries.

 **Femcel:** just cuz its the least of his worries doesnt mean it shouldnt be fixed 

**Bitches by MSI:** See! She gets it

 **Bitches by MSI:** Okay we’re going to look around more. Bye

 **Dudebro:** What he means by that is were going to bellyflop onto the beds in the display rooms

 **Lesbian auntie:** Are you… are you allowed to do that?

 **Dudebro:** Lol i dont know

 **Lesbian auntie:** Have fun with that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haru just lurks during their conversations, says something cute, and fucks off. Anyway
> 
> Akira: Goro/Fishy in the cumjar  
> Ryuji: Dudebro  
> Ann: Simp magnet/Goro's new wife   
> Yusuke: titanic joke  
> Makoto: Spiked punch/lesbian auntie  
> Futaba: rawr/femcel  
> Haru: Nice tits, gardening rn tho  
> Goro: Homocide/Bitches by MSI


	7. THE HOMO ZONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sry this hasnt been updated for like 3 weeks or somethinggfd enjoy

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

6:00PM

**Bitches by MSI:** We managed to set up everything we bought. Leblanc attic has now upgraded to tolerable living space!

 **Femcel:** LEVEL UP

 **Femcel:** ok im coming over i wanna see

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** Here’s a photo for the rest of u [pog.jpg]

 **Titanic joke:** What does the filename mean?

 **Dudebro:** POGGERS

 **Titanic joke:** Poggers?

 **Dudebro:** Poggers

 **Lesbian auntie:** I can’t believe you actually bought cushions for your couch

 **Dudebro:** Akechi was trying to convince him 2 get a new pillow and stuff for like an hour

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** THE DISRESPECT TO SOJIRO’S SELFLESS KINDNESS???

 **Titanic joke:** Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought he took you in for the money? 

**Fishy in the cumjar:** Selfless kindness.

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** You’re all so mean to him. Dhmu

 **Femcel:** I CAN CONFIRM THIS IS A QUALITY OF LIFE IMPROVEMENT

 **Femcel:** THIS COUCH IS TOLERABLE !!!!

 **Bitches by MSI:** My point has been made. You don't even know how relieving it is to know that I can sleep tonight without sheets on par with sandpaper

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** THEYRE NOT EVEN THAT BAD!!! WHAT

 **Bitches by MSI:** They were bad.

 **Simp magnet:** you know whats bad? idk but its not barbie and the 12 dancing princesses

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Yes!

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Barbie movies were the best!!

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** Ok sorry for breaking any illusions of stereotypical masculinity you had from me but 12 dancing princesses and swan lake were clearly the best barbie movies

 **Lesbian auntie:** Swan Lake? I kind of thought the weird father daughter duo was a married couple until I learned he was her father.

 **Simp magnet:** barbie incest movie

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** ANN PLEASE

 **Simp magnet:** sorry babes

 **Simp magnet:** HAHAHAHHA YALL REMEMBER THPSE LITTLE RATTY KIDS FROM SWAN LAKE

 **Lesbian auntie:** Some memories were meant to be forgotten.

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** I’m with Mako-chan, I’m pretty sure I cried at the porcupine boy because he was so ugly…

 **Femcel:** YIIIKES

 **Femcel:** i deadass have no idea what you’re all talking abt but yikes

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** Wait are we seriously the only 4 in this group who actually watched barbie movies

 **Titanic joke:** It appears so.

 **Dudebro:** What the eff is a barbie

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** Hey yusuke [https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ea/39/ef/ea39ef9d36a81dae42f13011eb259095.jpg]

 **Titanic joke:** I have never felt more genuinely repulsed looking at a picture in my life

 **Simp magnet:** CMON SURELY GORO HAS WATCHED ONE

 **Bitches by MSI:** If you couldn’t tell by literally every aspect of my personality I was the sort of kid that would play with fake lightsabers and read superhero comics and watch featherman

 **Bitches by MSI:** So, no, I have not watched a Barbie movie

 **Femcel:** nerd

 **Bitches by MSI:** Maybe, or maybe I just had an admiration for people who were important and could make a difference in this world to distract me from my crippling loneliness and the fact that i

 **Bitches by MSI:** Yes I was a nerd

 **Simp magnet:** :((((

 **Simp magnet:** barbie was a hero too!!!!!! 

**Fishy in the cumjar:** Im sitting u down and forcing u to watch barbie island princess 

**Bitches by MSI:** Sigh. The things you will do for the people you love

 **Simp magnet:** L WORD

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** L WORD   
**Femcel:** L WORD!!!

 **Dudebro:** Leprosy

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** He’s doing his best :)

 **Dudebro:** Thank you haru 😢

 **Femcel:** ok I’ve been kicked out of the homo zone time to play hatoful boyfriend

 **Dudebro:** Isnt that the pigeon dating game

 **Femcel:** yes

 **Simp magnet:** name ur character BaddieB BarbieTingz

 **Femcel:** wtf is a baddieb barbietingz

 **Simp magnet:** our queen?? nicki minaj/??

 **Simp magnet:** u dont know nicki?? 

**Simp magnet:** u were a SHUT IN at one point!!!!!!!!! how!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Femcel:** ???????????????????

 **Simp magnet:** im so disappointed

 **Femcel:** whatever imma go get some pigeon pussy 

**Lesbian auntie:** Pigeon pussy. 

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

8:15PM

**Fishy in the cumjar:** UPDATE !! Goro has now watched Barbie island princess. It may not be the best barbie movie but hes one of us now

 **Simp magnet:** ONE OF US ONE OF US

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** One of us!

 **Lesbian auntie:** Welcome to the club

 **Bitches by MSI:** I don’t feel like I missed out on that specific part of childhood. The animation was horrific and the music was just. Bad. The story itself was subpar, too.

 **Bitches by MSI:** But I really don’t know what else I was expecting from a western kid’s movie from the early 2000’s?

 **Titanic joke:** But without the nostalgia it’d be a less enjoyable experience, right?

**Fishy in the cumjar:**

**Fishy in the cumjar:** Ok you might have a point sry 4 subjecting u to that babe

 **Bitches by MSI:** Good childhood memories?

 **Bitches by MSI:** Can I Have Some Assistance I Cannot Seem To Find Them

 **Simp magnet:** BAD >:( ur goro akechi awesome sexy man with a fat ass and cool boyfriend and even cooler bestie now !! livin in the present!!! no point dwelling on that stuff!!!!

 **Fishy in the cumjar:** I agree with 4 out of 5 of those statements

**_Fishy in the cumjar changed Simp magnet’s nickname to Sexy._ **

**_Fishy in the cumjar changed Fishy in the cumjar’s nickname to Sexier._ **

**Sexier:** Better

 **Lesbian auntie:** Dumb and Dumber

 **Dudebro:** SEXY EDITION!!

 **Lesbian auntie:** Thank you Ryuji

**_Sexy changed Bitches by MSI’s nickname to Sexiest._ **

**Titanic joke:** The three of them..

 **Femcel:** DO NOT SEPARATE THEM

 **Sexiest:** Hold on is anyone going to address the fact that Futaba referred to Leblanc as “the homo zone”, or are we moving on from that

 **Dudebro:** I was thinking that

 **Sexy:** THGE HOMO ZONE

 **Sexy:** i ws too busy making an awesome nicki minaj reference to pay attention to that

 **Sexier:** Futaba Sakura Professional Comedian 2022

 **Femcel:** u two rly walk in2 any space and infect it with ur l*ve and aff*ction its horrible

 **Femcel:** tokyo is da akikechi homo zone

 **Sexiest:** What the fuck

 **Sexiest:** Akikechi.

 **Sexier:** It’s beautiful thank you futaba 

**Femcel:** it’s all ur getting for your wedding present

 **Sexier:** Can’t have shit in detroit

 **Dudebro:** I ate too much and now when I burp all i taste is pork

 **Sexy:** are. are u ok

 **Dudebro:** I dont know Im scared I might puke

 **Sexiest:** That sounds like a you problem xoxo

 **Dudebro:** Your so mean to me :(

 **Sexiest:** *you’re <3

 **Sexier:** GORO PLEASE 

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

1:55AM

**Sexiest:** Akira says let’s go to the convenience store. We are going to buy ice cream. What the fuck, I say, getting ready to go, because I am most definitely getting ice cream if presented the opportunity. Some weird fucking doctor he knows was there to also get ice cream. Iconic. She says hi, Akira introduces me as his bf, she goes “I always saw you on TV and knew you were a little bitch,” and fucking walks to the counter and pays and just leaves.

 **Sexiest:** I just got called a little bitch at quarter to 2 in the morning by someone I have never met before today

 **Sexier:** I love Takemi

 **Sexiest:** Why are you even her friend???

 **Sexier:** Where do you think I get all my weird as shit drugs from babe <3

 **Sexy:** LMAO

 **Sexy:** i woke up from those notifs ready to beat ur asses but that just made my day

 **Sexy:** miss takemi im free on sunday night. just so you know. i am fr

 **Sexier:** She’s in her mid 30’s

 **Sexy:** what kind of food does she like

 **Sexy:** call me old fashioned, but i live to serve my queen. i 

**Sexiest:** Go to bed

 **Sexy:** SAYS THE ONE WHO WENT TO GET ICECREAM AT 2AM????

 **Sexiest:** Yes. It was good icecream. I will not apologise for having priorities,

 **Sexy:** what flavour was it tho 

**Sexier:** STRAWBERRY WHITE CHOCOLATE

 **Sexy:** you may pass. gn homos

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

10:44AM

**Dudebro:** HAAHHAHAHAHHAHAGGHASAFGJG

 **Dudebro:** I dont know who takemi is but I like her too

 **Sexiest:** Rude

 **Sexy:** BACK OFF RYUJI shes mine <3

 **Sexier:** (Goro voice) IMNOT A LITTLE PISS BABY!!!! IM NOT!!!!!!!!!

 **Sexier:** He elbowed me help

 **Lesbian auntie:** Violence is not the answer.

 **Sexiest:** I can’t hear you over the cracking of Akira’s ribs beneath my elbow

 **Sexiest:** Speak up luv xoxo

 **Sexy:** LMIUYISDJFKLSUIAojhbedjhask

 **Lesbian auntie:** That’s it. Naughty corner

 **Sexiest:** I thought you weren’t allowed to tell me off

 **Lesbian auntie:** Did I stutter.

 **Sexiest:** The

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Burn!

 **Dudebro:** HGFGHJAGFFGHAG

 **Femcel:** i somehow feel partially responsible for haru saying burn

 **Sexy:** screenshotted

 **Sexy:** carmen would be proud

 **Sexy:** UGH i am getting the itch. ..

 **Titanic joke:** The itch, you say?

 **Sexy:** the itch to SHOP who wants to drop 10k with meeeeeee

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Yes please!! I want some cute clothes for spring!!

 **Sexy:** lets fucking GO

 **Sexiest:** I want to come but I’m so tired so I’m just going to lay in bed all day

 **Sexiest:** AKIRA ARE YOU FUCKING DOBBING ON ME

 **Sexier:** No why would I do that

 **Femcel:** [dibberdobber.mp3]

 **Femcel:** Akira Kurusu dobbing on Goro Akechi for being lazy (2017)

 **Sexier:** Ummm anyway goro honey sojiro says come downstairs bc u have to wash dishes <<<<3333

 **Sexiest:** Sleep with one eye open tonight.

 **Lesbian auntie:** In loving memory

 **Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Rest in peace Aki-kun :(

 **Femcel:** F

 **Sexier:** Does NOBODY feel like this joke is in slightly bad taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope u liked dis chpter!!! i dont even know ifi its funny jsyt take it. also its short but i just wanted 2 get somethin out


	8. stan mitski xoxo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy: they say shop till u drop
> 
> Sexy: passes the fuck out
> 
> Sexiest: YES now I get to raid what she bought and take it
> 
> Sexy: WHAT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS IS KIND OF SHORT anyway new chap after a full month meow enjoy

**The Phantom Thieves (are now law abiding citizens)**

4:11PM

**Sexy:** they say shop till u drop

**Sexy:** passes the fuck out

**Sexiest:** YES now I get to raid what she bought and take it

**Sexy:** WHAT

**Sexiest:** You wrote it in your will and said in this situation you give me all ownership of your purchases from that day <3 

**Sexy:** ok baby cn u actually come obver i wanna show u what i got nd i miss u

**Sexiest:** Please

**Sexier:** Have fun honey your glass of whiskey will be waiting by your armchair when you return

**Femcel:** i actually hate all 3 of you apparently

**Titanic joke:** Akira sounds like he would make a wonderful housewife.

**Sexiest:** Fuck off you can’t have him

**Femel:** A CONCEPT

**Femcel:** phantom thieves matching pyjamas and they all just say stupid shit that correlates with our personalities 

**Lesbian auntie:** I’m terrified to find out what mine would say.

**Sexier:** Goro’s can say “im sorry i told u my trauma do u still think im hot”

**Sexier:** Just like that one time at the bathhouse!!!

**Sexier:** OR it can say “When I cry you bet I’m listening to Mitski”

**Sexiest:** One of Futaba’s alternate universes where everything is the same but you don’t talk ever

**Sexiest:** Also stream Geyser

**Sexier:** No  ❤️

**Femcel:** akira with a cottagecore acab shirt

**Sexier:** PLEASE i fucking hate cops

**Titanic joke:** Agreed

**Dudebro:** SAME

**Femcel:** fuck cops!

**Sexiest:** Fuck cops one million times over. Quit your job

**Sexy:** ^ this

**Sexier:** When they beat u up and drug u because theyre corrupt miserable excuses for human beings  😍😍😍😍 despite the fact that u r like 17 😍😍😍😍😍

**Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Mako-chan is just looking at her phone, deep in thought :c

**Dudebro:** Good makoto dont be a cop

**Lesbian auntie:** I want my shirt to say “I don’t get paid enough for this”.

**Sexier:** Yusuke’s is just “FISH WANT ME, WOMEN FEAR ME”

**Femcel:** haru wearing the. the “(whispers) does she listen to girl in red” shirt

**Sexy:** BYE

**Sexy:** RHJUDJKENrfjsd

**Sexy:** ok well ryuji’s would say “<BRITTANY THE CHIPMUNK3”

**Femcel:** FROM ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS THE SQUEAKQUEL??????????? 

**Lesbian auntie:** What

**Sexier:** HWHJAHWJSHGWSJAHAJHAH HELPPPPPPPPPP

**Sexier:** HE TOTALLY SIMPED FOR HER AS A KID

**Dudebro:** I hate all of you guys

**Sexier:** Ok but like tell us we’re wrong

**Dudebro:** 😀

**Dudebro:** Anyway

**Dudebro:** Futaba’s is just a giant SUBSCRIBE logo 

**Femcel:** it has to be really low quality too

**Sexier:** YES

**Lesbian auntie:** Who’s in charge of graphic design?

**Sexiest:** Me. 

**Sexy:** HUH

**Femcel:** ur… creative????

**Sexiest:** Contrary to popular belief I quite enjoy graffiti and graphic designing in general

**Titanic joke:** I could see why people would not believe that.

**Titanic joke:** You’ll have to invite me next time, I would love to try it.

**Sexiest:** Of course.

**Sexy:** THIS IS SO WEIRD WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME U LIKED THIS STUFF!!! WHAT!!!!

**Sexiest:** Because everyone was under the impression I gave a fuck about the law or something

**Sexiest:** Anyway it’s really fun and helps relieve stress 

**Sexier:** Babe ur such a bad boy

**Sexier:** GET OFF MNBFDHJW

**Sexy:** rip

**Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Well if Goro-kun is doing that sort of thing, it goes completely against the chat name!

**Femcel:** UR RIGHT

**_Femcel changed the group’s name to Nasty Crime Boy and co._ **

**Femcel:** this should’ve been the name of our team

**Sexier:** I LOVE IT

**Nasty Crime Boy and co.**

8:50PM

**Dudebro:** Why did ushimaru give us so much homework this is ass

**Sexy:** HE DID FOR US TOO i want tocry im tired i dont wanna do this

**Sexy:** some1 give me a netflix series 2 watch instead so i cn ignore all my problems <3

**Sexiest:** My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

**Sexy:** ugh stan rarity

**Sexy:** actually now i want to watch equestria girls

**Sexy:** lets have a battle we’ll go all in t lets have a battle a battle of the. bands

**Lesbian auntie:** How old are you

**Sexy:** 6

**Sexy:** anyway 15 year old me did not care about seeming mature and i still dont. so i think i will watch my little pony thank you goro

**Sexiest:** You’re welcome <3

**Sexiest:** Now if you will excuse me I am going to listen to ifhy by Tyler, the Creator

**Sexier:** U only like that song bc it reminds u of meeeee <<<333

**Sexiest:** Correct

**Dudebro:** So I was like what is that song so I am listening to it and

**Dudebro:** Why is it so angry

**Sexiest:** Yes

**Dudebro:** Nice

**Titanic joke:** I am also quite concerned. 

**Sexiest:** I fucking hate you but I love you I’m bad at keeping my emotions bubbled you’re good at being perfect we’re good at being troubled. yeah

**Dudebro:** It would probably make sense if I knew more about you Akechi

**Sexiest:** I’m glad to hear that. I will not open up to you :)

**Dudebro:** Come to the gym with me on Monday >:(

**Sexiest:**

**Sexiest:** Whatever

**Lesbian auntie:** Um

**Sexier:** Shhh they’re bonding

**Titanic joke:** I have suddenly found myself craving cereal.

**Titanic joke:** 9pm cereal time.

**Sexy:** VIBES

**Sexy:** i hate how the songs in this movie lowkey go so hard

**Sexier:** I HATE HOW I CAN SEE YOU ADDING THE SOUNDTRACK TO UR PLAYLIST

**Sexier:** [ann_wtf.png]

**Sexy:** just because i have TASTE

**Sexy:** oh whats so wrong with a bit of competition are u afraid of failimng the audition??!!?!?!?

**Sexier:** Shujin talent show where ann just sings an mlp song and the crowd goes mental

**Sexy:** YES

**Sexy:** pull up in da full rarity cosplay complete with my own pair of pony ears and tail 

**Femcel:** BYE

**Femcel:** haru is fluttershy

**Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** Yes!!!! :D

**Sexy:** goro gets to be sunset shimmer

**Sexiest:** Context please also I don’t even go to your school

**Sexy:** she was super evil nd wanted to steal twilight sparkle’s powers or whatever and then using rhe power of friendship she was good again

**Sexiest:**

**Sexiest:** Okay, does that make Akira Twilight Sparkle?

**Sexier:** YES

**Sexier:** I’ve even got the glasses I suit the nerd look PERFECTLY

**Sexy:** AWESOME now i’ve got my cool band lets rock shujin everypony

**Dudebro:** I am going to punch you dont say everypony

**Sexy:** You love me <3

**Dudebro:** No

**Nasty Crime Boy and co.**

2:11AM

**Lesbian auntie:** I can’t sleep

**Titanic joke:** It’s not even that late?

**Titanic joke:**

**Titanic joke:** I seemed to have been too invested in my painting to notice the time.

**Lesbian auntie:** Can I see?

**Titanic joke:** Of course, it’s a work in progress but here you are [wip.jpeg]

**Lesbian auntie:** The colours are lovely!

**Titanic joke:** Thank you. I’ve taken inspiration from the colours of the winter landscape. Though they can be quite dull, I find that if used correctly, they can make quite a beautiful combination.

**Lesbian auntie:** Huh. Your artistic thought process is pretty interesting.

**Sexiest:** I second that. I like hearing your observations of things around you, Yusuke

**Sexiest:** You can find beauty in almost anything

**Titanic joke:** I appreciate that. I think everything is beautiful, it just matters how you view it.

**Sexiest:** Hm.

**Lesbian auntie:** You might be right.

**Lesbian auntie:** Why are you awake, Goro?

**Sexiest:** My head wouldn’t shut up so I’m just. Sitting in a booth in Leblanc and listening to music 

**Titanic joke:** Do you need to discuss?

**Sexiest:** I don’t want to lol

**Lesbian auntie:** Well, for what it’s worth, I hope you feel a little better soon.

**Sexiest:** Thanks. Both of you should get some rest too

**Titanic joke:** I should go to sleep. Goodnight!

**Lesbian auntie:** Night

**Nasty Crime Boy and co.**

6:15AM

**Dudebro:** You all type like grandpas 

**Sexy:** the only teenagers who have enough decency to punctuate messages

**Sexy:** ok maybe not goro but he still types like a grandpa

**Dudebro:** He wears sweater vests why are you surprised

**Sexy:** points were made

**Sexier:** He’s my favourite grandpa and I love his sweater vests

**Lesbian auntie:** That says a lot about you as a person.

**Lesbian auntie:** Also, dare I say that you guys are the ones who act a little immature over text?

**Dudebro:** Are you mad at us for dissing cops

**Lesbian auntie:** Maybe

**Sexy:** Makoto I’m gonna dm u some posts one sec

**Sexier:** I luv my boyfriend he is so cute

**Sexier:** He was just fast asleep at one of the booths when I woke up

**Sexier:** I mean he still is I’m gonna surprise him w coffee 

**Dudebro:** Awww now I want a gf

**Lesbian auntie:** I have been educated by Ann. Fuck the police system

**Sexy:** ur welcome <3

**Lesbian auntie:** I still want to be one but I want to work towards reforming the system

**Sexier:** YES makoto

**Nice tits, gardening rn tho:** :D I’m so happy to hear that, Mako-chan!! 💕

**Dudebro:** !!! YAY

**Sexier:** We support ur new endeavor!!!!

**Lesbian auntie:** :) I’m glad.

**Femcel:** GOOD MORNING FUCK ALL OF YOU FOR WAKING ME UP WITH YOUR NOTIFICATIONS

**Femcel:** [goro_saying_i_feel_like_ass.mp3]

**Dudebro:** That made my day already

**Dudebro:** He better be ready to feel MORE like ass this afternoon!

**Sexiest:** Regretting agreeing to this already but. Fuck it let’s do this reluctant good morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stream susie save your love <3

**Author's Note:**

> i am literally incapable of writing yusuke. im so sorry. when i play royal maybe ill get a refresher


End file.
